Three blind mice & their 1400 best friends

Chanel Earmuffs bought on eBay

It started a couple of weeks ago with an occasional little squeak in my bedroom (not what you're thinking!). As the days went by, it became clear that the Animal Kingdom had set up a Rave Party in my ceiling; thousands of lightly footed critters moshing together, wildly jumping up and down to the repetitive sounds of mass squealing till dawn. Within a matter of days, the noise reached such fever pitch that I had to wear my Chanel Earmuffs to get any sleep. This party needed to be shut down!

First step..identify the party goers. Living in Jurassic Park, there are many potential suspects, but now that I'm getting used to living in the Wild Wild West, it was relatively easy to eliminate the list down to the culprits. It couldn't be possums (too heavy footed), snakes (more loners than party animals), white cockatoos (far too vain to get dirty under dusty ceilings), giant spiders (too light footed), bats (too busy out hunting at night) or Koalas (too chubby to get under the corrugated roof)...Read more...