Country Massages in Vogue

Woke up this morning tighter than a Victoria Beckham Wrap dress. I’ve got Writers Wrist (aka Travelling Tennis Elbow). Gerry* has sympathetically suggested that it’s more likely to be Lazy Elbow and I need to write through it. I daren’t mention the sharp pain traversing across the shoulder blades. Who knew writing was so stressful on the body? I need to relax more. (Suggested this to Gerry and he replied, “There’ll be plenty of time to relax when you’re married.” Well played).  So instead of being on holiday in the Maldives, I wandered up to morning coffee at Frangos in the fresh autumn air. I’m reluctant to say this (for fear Gerry will never let me go on holiday ever again) but walking in the peaceful early hours of the morning through country lanes, is on my list of 10 Most Relaxing Things to Do. Hasn’t made the swelling in my right arm/hand go down but all that fresh air has put a rosy glow in my cheeks and bounce in my bottom (or that could just be early Menopause).

Rosy cheeks remained well into the first coffee then the pale pallor that comes from pain shooting up one’s arm returned.  I need a massage! After quick telephone call and gentle stroll around the Lake, I arrived at Leggatt House. The newest massage studio in town. I was curious as George to see inside this Heritage Listed 1870’s building overlooking Daylesford Lake. After sitting empty for over five years, Leggatt House was recently purchased by lifestyle enthusiast, artist and professional builder, Karen Waugh-Raphael.  In the middle of restoring this historic country Manor, Karen has turned the front of  house into a therapeutic Massage Studio with two rooms. This is not a day spa, just massage. The massage rooms are not overly fancy (although the soaring ceilings and decorative architraves are stunning), but it’s quickly apparent that one should not judge this book by its cover.

Having arrived grumpy and stiff like the cast iron gnomes gracing the front verandah, I was unprepared for what happened next. The massage room was completely silent. No music. No dolphins chatting quietly in the background. No sea gently washing onto the shore. Just silence. Silence has an incredible effect on your breathing. Slows it right down. Almost didn’t notice experienced masseuse, Caroline working my knotty back with GPS precision. Gently relaxing major stress areas first before moving the pressure up a few notches. Far too often, deep tissue massage requires a wee Cognac (or two) beforehand. Not here, at Leggatt House.  One sublime hour later, pain in my writing arm had all but disappeared. The rest of my body so relaxed, it felt like I had actually taken that holiday in the Maldives.

There is a theory that massage in the country has more lasting efficacy than in the city. It makes sense. Today after my miraculous massage (no other term for it), I strolled back around the Lake, wading through golden autumn leaves, past sunlight autumn trees and inquisitive geese, up the cobbled path to my little cottage. Poured a glass of Hennessy Cognac and sat on the front porch with my laptop. Compare that to:

Noise. Work. Traffic. Noise. MASSAGE. Traffic. Noise. Home.  Noise.

I’m getting all knotted again just thinking about it. So city folk, here’s a Tweed Tea & Wellies Hot Tip.

One Country massage = Three City massages

No, I didn’t make this up. Vogue told me! What more proof do you need? Meanwhile, Gerry has popped over to tell me that sitting gazing at the sunset doesn’t get a story written. Luckily he didn’t spot the Cognac. Another day in Paradise, as Father likes to say.

*For new readers, Gerry is my brother and editor of Tweed Tea & Wellies

Self Portraits, the Must Have Accessory of 2012

Self Portraits are the Must Have accessory of 2012. The Prada “Pyramide” handbag of the art world, if you will.  I predicted this trend long before Instagram turned Facebook into The Great Wall of “Look at me!” Even before the King of Fashion, Karl Lagerfeld, declared his love for self portraiture. You think I’m making this up? Take a peek at the cover shot on I-D Magazine "Royalty" Issue (Spring 2012).  How did I know before everyone else? HRH Queen Elizabeth II told me. Not face to face. But close.

I’m a huge Queen fan. Frequently relying on Her Fabulousness for guidance on essential matters such as social protocol, wellies etiquette, the best tweed mills, and commemorating significant events in one’s life. Before my debut book, “to Daylesford, with Love” hit blockbuster status, it seemed entirely befitting to follow the Royal trendsetter Herself, and get painted into Daylesford history.  Only problem. With so many talented artists adding local colour, who would be bequeathed the honour? This must be what Queen Elizabeth feels like every time she has to choose a Daughter-in Law. The only fair solution was to have a FACE OFF. Let the best painter win.

Eight weeks later, the portraits are back and I’m in a dither of indecision. Which Self Portrait will take pride of place in the lounge? This is the E! True Hollywood story of what actually happened behind the scenes of Face Off 2012.

Janis & Carolyn

Madeleine McCristal.
Madeleine’s studio in the bush is extraordinary. The room built from shipping containers is filled with old school Rock Star vibe, blaring Janis Joplin and stacks of ceiling high paintings. The art so spectacular, it’s appreciated by discerning collectors around the world. And she agreed to paint me! Feeling somewhat humbled, I went along to our Portrait Sitting half expecting to run into Charles Saatchi. Within minutes of arriving, I was told in no uncertain terms that Laura Ashley ‘has a lot to answer for,” and swiftly given a wardrobe change of black t-shirt, worn black leather jacket, red velvet scarf and Madeleine’s precious original 1970’s John Lennon glasses....Read more...

Google Glasses, what you need to succeed. Prada, Viktor & Rolf and Me

Open letter to Google

I’ve heard through the Open phone line that you’re making Augmented Reality 3D Glasses. Did you really think it would remain a secret with the code name, Project Glass?  Initially, I loved the innovative idea of having a computer display screen resting conveniently on my delicately sculptured cheek bones. Although somewhat skeptical about scrolling with slight inclinations of the head and neck.

Oakley Thump

Then, with the subtlety of a Mel Gibson movie, reality slapped me across the face. Google glasses will replace my trademark Prada glasses. With Robocop style, not dissimilar to Oakley Thump glasses. That can’t be good.

Heads up, Google! Anything worn on the body, face or feet is considered fashion. If Google Glasses are to infiltrate popular culture, you need to open up more than your technology Platform and shift the gadget paradigm from Geek to Chic.  Go crazy and turn Google Glasses into a Fashion Brand. Collaborate with fashion forward designers from different demographics and watch Google Glasses become an overnight Must-Have Fashion Phenomenon....Read more...

Is Daylesford the new Guggenheim?

Miriam Porter's "Cockatoo Munching"

Art is in the Autumn Air. Big time! Daylesford must be the only spa town in the world where there are as many artists as masseuses.  You can’t walk two metres here without (metaphorically) bumping into art. It’s in galleries, streetscape, gardens, restaurants, homes, even in the Tea! I’m waiting for the day that paint brushes are handed out with every cappuccino. Nature also seems determined to curate its way into the Autumn Art Show. Walking down my precariously cobbled garden path at sunrise this morning, the colour and composition of the sprawling Hobbit-village-in-Mushrooms could easily have been a model out of Peter Jackson’s Weta studios.  I half expected Martin Freeman to pop out. Nature then decided to shift from Hollywood set to Fashion Week; with an ankle-deep catwalk of red and gold autumn leaves wrapping around Daylesford Lake, twinkling with the intermittent flashes of dappled sunlight. Accompanied by nature’s version of Joan Rivers; 23 geese, 7 cockatoos and 14 rosellas. The ducks kept to themselves....Read more...

Velveteen Rabbit leads Fashion Elite down Garden Path

Daylesford has a fairytale style aesthetic that has fashion editors around the world drooling into their non fat, decaf skinny soy lattes. Imagine Ned Kelly attempted to rob Viktor & Rolf, they all ended up becoming best friends and together built Daylesford.  In a Faith Popcorn moment, I coined a term for this phenomenon, Rural Couture.

Lou & Ash, Rainbow Love Cardi

Rural Couture is a world away from the fast-paced, highly strung cityscape, and quietly becoming one of the hottest trends of this decade. It makes sense. Urban professionals are migrating en masse to the country; leaving behind the rat race, NOT their sense of style. Since I’ve now made it my personal mission in life to showcase this wonderful lifeSTYLE for all the world to see, a good starting point would be to define Rural Couture. Here goes.

Rural Couture has an artist’s eye, a craftsman’s hand, fashion designer’s flair and country style. It’s laid-back glam rural at its best, with general rule of thumb, “Would Wallpaper Magazine feature this?” as the final sign off for Rural Couture status. ...Read more...

Christa Hughes belts out boozy ballads

Last night I found myself standing outside a Hall in the middle of a tiny paddock in Lyonville.  Miriam had invited me (after four others turned her down!!!) with the scantiest of advance information except Dress Warm. Lyonville (or “The Centre of the Universe” according to the road sign) has about five houses, the Radio Springs Hotel and a Town Hall (which is trickier to find than you’d imagine).  Mingling on the mini paddock was High Society from near and far; dressed in full length faux fur coats, tweed suits, and Pokka dot petticoat dresses. For the first time since arriving in the Wild Wild West, I’m the one that’s under-dressed! Deep breaths……. Deep Breaths.  I still had no idea what or who was performing.

Eventually the gong (aka Cow Bell) signaled High Society to enter the teeniest town Hall EVER. My bathroom is larger than this hall. The stage looked like a doll’s house rendition of Kath Kidson’s front room; replete with red and white gingham wallpaper, floral curtains and grand piano.  Amid the seating chaos, in she walked. Christa Hughes.  For the next two hours, I was either laughing or awed, in equal measure.

 Dressed in the tightest satin known to man, Christa soon turned Lyonville Hall into Carnegie Hall, with her “Beer Drinking Woman” cabaret show. She has the star quality and voice of a young Liza Minnelli, just with better range and boozier songs. Case in point; Christa skols a schooner and then gargle-sings her way through Memphis Slim’s 1940’s Honky Tonk classic, “Beer Drinking Woman.” Accompanied by superb pianist Leonie Cohen, an accordion, whistle, ukulele and (interestingly) a megaphone, Christa belts out booze laced tunes like you’ve never heard before. Britney Spears “Toxic” is turned into a hangover Hair of the Dog remedy; Christa’s bawdy version of “My Favourite Things” from Sound of Music sounds like Lindsay Lohan’s life story; and Cold Chisel’s anthem, “Cheap Wine” turns into a soliloquy on Cask Wine...Read more...